Dedicated to SS501 4D Leader Kim Hyun Joong

Baek Seung Jo’s Diary Part 15


BSJ’s Diary 15
Credit: 장난스런 KISS offical site
Credit Chinese Translations:彭彭@百度韩版恶作剧之吻吧
English translation: sabby25

It is absurd.
Getting married at the age of 21?
Mom, I beg of you stop interfering my life.
Because of mom, I hid my feelings for Ha Ni up till now.
I do not have the capabilities to stop Miss Hwang Geum Hee(SJ’s mom) enthusiasm towards Ha Ni.

Besides, I’m the one who brought up the marriage first, I have nothing to say.
I should have said let’s just get acquainted first. Why did I mention about marriage, which resulted in this situation now? Dread having caught by mom. On the other hand, my mom may be right.

University-level of study definitely lead a busy life, there will not be any free time. Maybe after getting married it might be able to provide a stable environment to study.
But the wedding preparation is more complicated than what I imagined. Rings, wedding gowns, wedding photos…taking wedding photos really is annoying.

Recalling memories of my mom’s torture…mmm! Can’t even put up a fake smile because it is not funny at all. Look here, look over there. Require doing according to what others ask is totally not me, Baek Seung Jo’s style. All my life, this is the moment I want to run away from the most. There is so much to learn after entering medical school, yet these two women is really hard on me.

The route to adulthood is really full of complications and perilous.
Can’t it be simpler? I truly cannot understand the reason for women to create such complex formal event into something so grand.

“Even if it is marriage I will never cooperate with you!”
Seung Jo yah, what’s wrong?
You said you love me and wanted to get married.
Love is when two people come to find similarities; Love is when we coordinate with one another.

You are still an egoist.
Stop Here! Stop now! Said such things! This is what you hope for; this is what you can only provide!

I still cannot expect anything much of you. If there are expectations, there will only be disappointment in the end, the so-called love…still cannot be expected, the so-called love…I always long for…
Baek Seung Jo, the egoist,
I hate you!

My Ha Ni who always accommodated me no matter how stubborn I am, yet I said to her

“Now I’m full of regrets, but it is not too late to reconsider!”

Ha Ni’s unhappy face made me worried.
Sure enough, it is difficult for people like me to convey something nicely. I knew that whenever I said such things to Ha Ni, it will make her upset. I just dislike this kind of formal events which takes up a lot of time; I’m only annoyed at my mom for interfering my life.

Ha Ni who has no plans was force to participate; she must be more alarmed than me. Yet I still vent my anger on Ha Ni. Just have to convey my true feelings to Ha Ni and everything will be fine.

Because she have already seen the side of me who knows how to be angry, annoyed and also knows how to live life smiling.

Does love require practice?
A method to speak allowing others to feel shy, a method to convey my true feelings quickly.
When it comes to love any geniuses will become stupid and unfamiliar.

Just when I wanted to do something to comfort Ha Ni, I thought of Ha Ni’s mom and grandma.
It must have been painful for both of you to let go of young Ha Ni. Saw father-in-law sitting alone in the dark restaurant, reading up some books for Ha Ni, with heavy heart that is similar to looking at a rock in the deep well.

For a man like father-in-law to send away his motherless and only daughter, he must be feeling dismay and lonely. How deserted it must be without his wife by his side.

Surrounded by the blue blue sky, even the coldness has faded into the greens. At this territory where there is nothing to give, nothing to demand and everything is peaceful, serene, desolate and silent.

Here where all the pain and grief are left, I send my respect to mom and grandma. First time meeting you, mom, grandma, son-in-law have come to greet you, meet up to your expectations? Mother-in-law, I will always care for her, even in sickness, pain and hardships I will always care for her by her side. Mom, thank you for giving birth to Ha Ni and letting her come to my side looking so beautiful.

Thank you for inheriting your passion to her.

No matter how hard you push, step by step, slowly, you have come closer to me.
This is all because of Ha Ni’s determination of never giving up all the way, finally allowing me to realize that she is a woman worth so much loving. We’ll live happily ever after, working hard every day for the rest of our lives.
Grandma, Thank you for telling Ha Ni such beautiful words. Have fun in life and other will have fun too.

When I was lost, these words became an important key. Hope for your blessings and thank you once more for letting Ha Ni under my care.

***HN’s POV***
Mom, grandma, I’m getting married. See? This is someone I love. This handsome, good in everything, is the number one groom. Although there are times that made me sad, but he also made me feel so much happiness.

Seung Jo ah~ Thank you. Thank you for comforting the long forgotten inner pain in my heart. I might forget, mom’s face, grandma’s face. I’m always worried that if I were to forget mom and grandma’s face, they will also forget mine, so every night I have to hold on to their picture to sleep. Thank you for your comfort.

I’m glad that you, Baek Seung Jo, is the guy standing beside me, I’m very happy that you understood my pain.
****

You like it?

Just because we are able to go Jeju Island for our honeymoon trip, you scream happily and hop around me.

So cute, I can’t help but to smile, alright then just keep smiling like that by my side.
Teasing you is really fun, slightly tease you a little, you start to turn sour, but after awhile you will be laughing like this.

Seeing you smile like that really let me feel alive, feels so good.

“Hyung, just thought you should marry a girl like Oh Ha Ni, you’ll be happy, Congratulations!”

Yes, Eun Jo ah~
I’ve seen your eyes kid, like you said, Oh Ha Ni is like a fool, but this fool can always do things I cannot do.

She knows how to read people’s heart, she can easily get closer to people, she can even risk jumping into the water without fear even though she cannot swim. That’s why I like Oh Ha Ni, her 10% is enough to fill up my emptiness.

***HN’s POV***
“Dad, Thank you!” “Don’t cry, if you cry, tomorrow everyone will tease saying the bride is not pretty oh!”

Through Dad’s reluctant smile, I can see the tears in his eyes. Dad’s carries a reluctant smile on his mouth , I think at this moment he was trying to suppress his yearning for mom. Stop crying, Oh Ha Ni. In front of dad who loss his loved one and now having to send his only daughter away, the tears of the daughter who will be walking towards the one she loved isn’t it too sumptuous? Tears are the source of sadness. So whenever I laugh again, my heart would be filled up with interweave of melancholy and pleasure.

“Dang, dang, dang, dang! (wedding march)”
I will live happily, don’t worry.

“Dang, dang, dang, dang! (wedding march)”
Please stop blaming yourself for thinking that you are not able to give me more.

Because dad, you mean everything in the world to me, full of love, that cannot be exchanged.
****

I, the groom, Baek Seung Jo, vow to bride Oh Ha Ni.

I, the bride, Oh Ha Ni, vow to groom Baek Seung Jo. Will love and respect forever whatever it takes, I promise I will respect the elders, and be a good wife.

Most importantly, I will love only you forever, carry lots of joy everyday and continue our journey day by day together; carry lots of thankfulness everyday and continue our journey day by day together.

Oh Ha Ni, can even drop the wedding ring, this fool.
“Don’t bully me, Baek Seung Jo. Actually the second KISS is not the kiss in the rain, but was at the pension right? Amateur, childish!” Ha Ni’s put up a bright smile, and triumphantly said.

Hey! Baek Eun Jo! How could you disclose the secret!

Ouch! Oh Ha Ni what are you doing! In front of all the adults, you are sure daring!
Although it turned out this way I still felt very happy, as this is the first time you initiated to kiss me.

Even though there was a burst of laughter from the audiences, faces hotly blushed, but slowly I felt the warmth in my heart. Like a sudden burst of a huge sachet, the pleasant smell diffuse into the air and through the heart.

“Nonetheless, I’ll try my best. Even though I lacking in this and that in many ways but I’ll put in effort to be a worthy wife!”
Oh Ha Ni ah~ you don’t have to try, I like the way you are. Sometimes you still make me panic, there are times where you are absurd too, but regardless of these you are still the one I love.

I will fill all your shortcomings; you too will fill in mine. You can be a piece of my small circle. Come into my arms, my missing piece.

Hey~! Foolish Oh Ha Ni. Drank a big glass of wine and fall asleep by yourself. Wedding first night, is something worth looking forward. How to spend this honeymoon night, listen to some music? Also light up the candles? So, I’m the only one planning all these….In the morning you said you’ve got an headache/hangover, not only I have nothing to say, in the end we cannot even do anything, Stupid.
What’s wrong with you?

Another girl is clinging onto your husband’s hand, how can you be so indifferent?

If you love me, I think you should be more aggressive.

I kept on looking behind for you; I really hate this woman who keeps sticking next to me. The reason I let her be is because I felt sorry for her husband and afraid that the atmosphere would turn bad.

But what are you doing? Unexpectedly, you were talking happily with another man….

Oh Ha Ni, what are you doing now? Why? I just do what I had to do, solely taking care of a sick patient, if you cannot accept this, then we cannot live together, understood? If you are always like that, how are we going to continue in the future? Man or woman, is there a need to differentiate a sick patient? This is an unnecessary jealousy…

***HN’s POV***
You think I don’t have pride? Why do you have to make me embarrass? Shouted loudly at me in front of that woman. Sometimes I don’t know where to go, you don’t love me as much, walking next to your side at the same pace line it’s so lonely. It was better during the time when I had unacquainted love for you, no expectations, I was happy just by looking at your back.
Seung Jo ah~There are times that I despise myself, I’m afraid if I expect too much from you, I will hate you in the end, I’m really scared.
****

You’ve been here. Looking for you who ran out crying, I’ve forgotten all about the quarrel and anger I just had. Me who know nothing about love, have I lost you? Now where have you gone crying alone? With the chaotic pace of footsteps, I found you. Oh, don’t even have a peaceful day, playful Oh Ha Ni. Idiot, don’t you understand my feelings?

Ha Ni ah~! I’m sorry~!
During the wedding I promised myself not to make you cry anymore.
Whenever I see tears in your eyes it pains me as if my heart has been thrown into a charcoal of fire.

So please smile, this is the only reason for me to truly smile. You’re most beautiful when you smile, only when you smile, it somehow makes me feel happier.

If you smile, I’m willing to carry you around the globe.
If you laugh, I will gladly be a fool in front of you.

Finally, just the two of us. Why am I so nervous?
Hearing your breathing, makes me dizzy.

Why is my heart beating so fast, seems like pulsing throughout my whole body, my whole heart burn like a torch, the endless hot air kept colliding. You always kept my heartbeat, like an emission of spring water, like a balloon filled with air, enriching my heart.

Little idiot, sometimes very cute, there are times when you’re beautiful too.
Why do I like you so much?
You who are sometimes cute and sometimes beautiful, but why do I keep missing you?
What did you do to me?
Why do I have a feeling that I’m being poisoned by you?
So profound, so urgent.

Vision as if filled with bright stars, just have to reach out and everything will turn out well, I think this is possible because I love you.
The wind that brush pass the pillows looks like its smiling, just then I realize you wear trembling, I think this is also because you love me.
If you don’t exist in this world, how am I going to live on?

I’ve been waiting for this moment for too long, me who have been tormented run towards you fervently.

I opened up your shy confine lips. Treat you like my reward and envelop into my arms, and penetrate you. At the moment deep into you I felt so warm, like I’ve lived here for years, completely warm, nothing unfamiliar, everything going smoothly, our love flowing dizzily between us, under this full moon in the night. Able to feel each other’s blood boiling without any exchange of words.

What? Ask me to wait?
Last two nights, I can’t even breathe properly for a moment, just looking at your sleeping face, it was already difficult enough to suppress my boiling hot blood, stupid, I can’t wait any longer.

Let’s grow together, us, study hard. My Noah’s snail, my Oh Ha Ni.

Become a towering tree; till the formation of a dense shade; till it bears numerous fruits.
I actually hate using the marriage registration as a form of reward. But teasing you is so fun, I can’t stop myself.

If I were to easily surrender to you and mom, isn’t it throwing the name genius Baek Seung Jo away? The invincible Baek Seung Jo won’t be so easy for you to subdue, or else it will hurt my self-esteem~! Haha!~

Just imagine being controlled by you and mom for the rest of my life is excruciating, I will not give in.

Sometimes love requires this kind of adjustments, Good luck! My eternal fun, Oh Ha Ni!

***End***

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One response

  1. gemma

    i love your blog! keep it coming! PK fighting!well done!

    Saturday, October 23, 2010 at 11:42 pm

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