Dedicated to SS501 4D Leader Kim Hyun Joong

[Pexers Write-Ups] In the Shadow of an Apology


Author:  AprilStarr


A true apology is an utterance not easily said. Its essence reverberate with what had happened,who caused it to happen,who is owning the responsibility,what effects resulted from that incident and to make amends not only in words but in action.

It takes courage and humility to step forward to accept blame for an incident that triggered all the ruckus in a private relationship now gone public. Perhaps more so in a society where shaming and lost of face (and image in the case of a celebrity) is very important. Where and when there is lack of face to face contact social media has stepped in. Or even when it is not lacking social media adds layers of communities watching intently and commenting without fear,without letup.

The pain of playing back what has transpired is quite unsettling for the person doing the apology as well as its recipient.But it has to be done if restoration of peaceful existence and/or relationship is desired.

The one who apologize steps back a little for progress in calming or diffusing the highly charged situation.It could also be demanded by the aggrieved person or party.

It is not one losing or the other winning for an apology to take place. It is an instrument or a strategy to break a stalemate or an impasse. In most instances it is a prelude to bargaining. The other party might say ‘ Yes,I will accept your apology but…’

The one apologizing usually offer prospective changes,adjustments, modification of attitudes and behavior. From his/her perspective those will address the imbalances that caused the problem in the first place.

The heartfelt or sincere apology carries with it the intent and tone placating hurt feelings, bruised bodies, other losses both tangible and intangible. It is the recognition of the other person or party’s suffering or hardship. Though it was an internal problem, the apology was made public subject to cynosure. .

Hyun Joong’s apology has the above characteristics. His statements were simple and direct to the point. It has the substance of what an apology should be. Already comments are being given left and right which is to be expected. And yet it is a damn if you do, damn if you don’t case. Hyun Joong has done his best effort so far.

Now will the recipient of such an apology accept?
(as of this writing, it seemed the apology has not yet been accepted with the condition that it be sincere first. It is not clear what her measurement of sincerity is).

7 responses

  1. Gemini.g

    You took the words out of my mouth. Thankyou

    Wednesday, September 17, 2014 at 11:41 am

  2. Kimsmile😄

    Thanks AprilStarr for your article ur effort is very much appreciated. I think KHJ did what is the best for all the people around him so there’s no doubt about his sincerity at all if that is the question.thanks for the space en have a nice day ahead of us everyone 😄

    Wednesday, September 17, 2014 at 6:23 am

  3. Kim hyun joong love u u are amazing and this will end i be with 4 ever oppa

    Wednesday, September 17, 2014 at 5:28 am

  4. skyesHuman

    Do you think your posts help to feed the frenzy that is occuring?

    Wednesday, September 17, 2014 at 2:55 am

    • aprilstarr

      Hello @skyeshuman

      Feed or dissipate the frenzy? I am not sure of the effects either way. I’m trying to understand what is going on though honestly, I am not privy to the behind the scenes negotiation. All I know in what I have stated are what apologies are supposed to do. As I said it is a case of ‘damn if you do and damn if you don’t’.

      There were “news” that HJ was supposed to want to battle it out ; that he will not settle, supposedly there are counter facts against the “evidences” of the complainant that fans egged him ‘to fight, we are behind you, we are supporting you.” Again so many “news” are circulating. Speculations, baseless rumors, wishful thinking ?

      HJ would not have come to that decision if he didn’t think it was the best think that he can do under the circumstances to move somewhere. He made that choice, if he had delayed (it’s almost a month minus a few days since the news broke out) the impact would have been different. The opinions would be varied of course, some (or many ?) were disappointed, while others respected his action.

      If we listen to some quarters, it was a lame action, a mere slap on the wrist.There are those who are crying for more drastic punishment. My position is the apology serves as the oil to make their discussion flow. Do they need hardliners here? We have to accept that HJ has the most to lose if the battle becomes prolong.

      Wednesday, September 17, 2014 at 11:19 am

      • atiq

        well said april…i was just grinning myself seeing all those delusional haters with their arguments in this latest development…it might not come to their anticipated desire to see HJ going down n burnt from the humiliation n insults by netizens, be it haters or so-called fans…LOL

        Wednesday, September 17, 2014 at 3:49 pm

  5. mommy2

    I totally agree with you.

    Wednesday, September 17, 2014 at 2:54 am

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